Boy, some confectioners have a lot of problems with hygiene
practices don’t they? I’ll leave that issue to people with more food preparation
or sailing experience than me – but for the record – I reckon a Viking longboat,
rowed by genetically fiddled identical midgets, is not as appetising in your
hot chocolate, as a marshmallow.
I’m also not an expert on ‘little people’ hiring ethics, but
Gurdeep Roy had better’ve been paid more than the Munchkins ‘cause those little fuckers
were ripped off.
In fact, by my in-depth calculations, Roy had better have
been paid more than Johnny Depp. I say this having applied RCA to the film.
RCA - Relative Celluloid Acreage.
- Actor’s film acreage = amount of celluloid in one film, covered by an actor.
- Proportionally adjusted by the actual real-life size differences between the actors.
- (King Kong should always earn less than Fay Wray. Gurdeep Roy plays every Umpalumpa and he’s a midget.)
- Therefore, Deep should get more than Depp.
Something else occurred to me later in the evening - Wonka
stops at a three-course-flavoured-chewing-gum. Think big, Wonka. Why stop there? Degustation
chewing gum. Why not have a gum that finishes off with a cocktail at Trader
Vick’s or getting pepper sprayed in the carpark?
