The story out of Zanesville, Ohio this week of the animals leaving the zoo and then getting shot en masse by law enforcement has been interesting to me. Not just because I love, “Elephant on the loose, police have released a description” type stories, but also because it has been so instructive about the locals.
First of all, there was a notably nutty gun owner, who had just done time for naughtiness, who had hundreds of animals on his property. And not just puppies and kittens. As of writing the count was 49 animals shot including lions, tigers and bears (it’s frightening and the local sheriff cares, cha cha cha).
The animals getting out has been described as an escape. I don’t think that’s fair. The guy opened the cages. That’s not escaping, that’s accepting an invitation.
Watching Sheriff Matthew Lutz (Donut scoffing local cop from Central Casting) being backed up by Terence Stamp pretending to be a local Emeritus Zoo Official (have a look and see if I’m wrong) I was struck by how much faux sadness there was at having to shoot the animals. I swear those boys have never had so much fun in their lives. They went on a big game safari hunt and didn’t have to spring for an airfare. They’ll be hailed as the good guys at the end of it, as well. What’s the bet there’ll be a few more exotic rugs in front of fireplaces in Zanesville homes soon?
“Wow Grandad Mat, that sure is a fine looking lion rug. Did you hunt that? Was it scary? Is it hot in Africa”
“Sure did son. It was a bit scary, but not hot. I bagged that bad-boy down on Fifteenth and Main.”
Terence Stamp said something illuminating about local attitudes, too, “It’s like Noah’s Ark wrecking right here in Zanesville Ohio.”
Ahuh. That’s an ex-director of a zoo. Someone who you’d hope would have a bit of a grasp of zoology, biology and maybe even evolution. Noah’s ark, hey?
Anyway, also as of writing, there were two monkeys still on the loose. I like to think they’ve gone into hiding in a vacant house and are really making themselves at home. Going through the fridge, watching telly.
Cut to the bathroom. Two chimps are in the bath:
Chimp 1: Oo oo, ah, ah, ah, aaahhhh.
Chimp 2: Well run some more cold water.
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