For those of you who haven’t been to South Korea, you will find this blob a penetrating insight into a culture and its people. For those of you who have, you will find it hopelessly half-arsed.
But, you don’t come here for the latest update to Ban Ki-moon from his cultural attaché so let’s do this.
On the map, South Korea looks approximately halfway between Japan and China. When you get there… it feels exactly halfway between Japan and China.
Don’t tell the Koreans. I think I mentioned it once but got away with it.
Japanish
- Bowing
- Seniority
- Politeness
- Yelling as entertainment
- Masochistic challenges on TV
- Tech-fetish
- Efficiency
- The sound of the language
- The look of the people
- Public transport
- White gloves on service personnel
- Twisted sexuality
- Latent gayism
- Order
Chinesish
- Air-quality
- Size of the city
- Rubbish
- That odour that washes over you frequently
- Brand-names
- Murder of English on signs
- Reckless approach to fun
- Reckless approach to crossing roads
- Reckless approach to public health
- Reckless approach to my dinner
- Battery housing for humans
- Money
Halfway betweenish
- Smoking
- Traffic
- Personal safety
- Regard for the government
- Treatment of women
- Pricing of electronic goods
- Food
Seoul is vast. It beggars the mind in exactly the same way the Shanghai does. It’s got half the population, but when you are talking about things of that size you just stop comprehending and sit slack-jawed at how many identical, white, residential tower-blocks there can be in the world.
Anyone a bit sceptical about human impact on the planet should see it. In Australia, we simply do not get to witness what the weight of humanity can really do to a place. We sit on top of Australia like a gnat on a donkey. Koreans sit on South Korea like Nigella Lawson on a race horse. (It’ll probably make it across the line. It'll also probably have to be turned into stew afterward.)
Everyone under the age of 40 has a phone that is halfway in size between an iPhone and an iPad. Also, everyone looks under 40 and there are no iPhones or iPads here. The Samsung rules supreme. Oooooh, Garaxy.
The time of year you choose to visit a place will influence how you feel about it, so keep that in mind. But, it is brain damagingly cold in Seoul at the moment. I can’t imagine living with it. My delicate tropical glands don't know how to cope and I’ve had a persistent nose-bleed for three days.
Koreans have a deeply civilised streak (and don’t give two hoots for fuel costs it seems) every building is heated to “desiccate”. I’m either sweating like a sumo in a sauna or crying like a codger in the cold or bleeding from a frozen orifice.
And, do you know, I quite like it here.
