Just Wait For My Sauna Design

My bathroom is poorly named. There’s no bath.

There was once, judging by what is left in the room. There’s a bathy sort of space, all tiled over. The surfeit of safety handles and grab-bars in the room hints at the previous owner having the bath removed due to some brand of human frailty. I could rent out the room for Ninja Warrior training with all those points of purchase mounted on the walls.

“The challenge today at Mount Midoriyama, using only the wall furniture, is to go to the toilet, wash your hands and moisterise your toenails, all without touching the floor, falling down the waste drain, or losing too much blood to the mosquitos living on the ceiling.”

For our kids, though, it’s a bit of a bummer. Having become embarrassed at the tiny size and huge grottiness of the baby bath I’ve been jamming them into, I started considering alternatives… and I think I hit on a beauty. A giant Esky.

Think about it. Watertight, energy efficient, drainage tap at the bottom, multifunction and fun! Imagine being grown up and saying to your rich and successful mates, over dinner,

“You think that’s awesome?! Dad used to bath us in an Esky. He’d close the lid and play a game he called Trapped in a Capsized Boat. Sometimes he’d turn the shower on as well for a Das Boot variation on a theme. If we were particularly dirty, he’d hold the lid, and just shake the Esky.”