A Real Menace. Not A Phantom One

There are many things I don’t understand. In fact, I don’t understand most things.

I don’t understand how weight loss through crying works. It seems to, going by what I’m seeing in The Biggest Loser, but I don’t understand it. I would’ve thought a couple of glasses of water would replace all the moisture loss through blubbing, but maybe more important nutrients are lost when you are permanently rainy face.

I don’t understand what’s going on with the fauna around my place. Maybe I’m seeing the effects of climate change and not comprehending the downstream results, but there are weird things going on. The kookaburras have returned. I mean all of them. All the kookaburras in the world have come to live out the back of my place. I love a koo koo brother as much as the next guy, with their little square heads and totally Aus way of doing things, but what the little bastards find hilarious at 5.30 in the morning I can’t imagine and I find myself lying there wishing that the merry, merry king of the bush was just a little less easily amused.

Another fauna related oddity cropped up today. I was dealing with a spider that had set up shop just outside one of our windows. He was a big one. He was casting a shadow in the lounge room and was making inappropriate comments about some of the TV programs. Anyway, once I’d got him to move along (had to spring for the cab fare. Bastard) I looked up into the eaves to see if he had any friends and found tens, maybe hundreds, of baby praying mantisesess… mantissses… manti? all milling around and having a nice time. I’ve never seen a flock… herd… armada… congregation? of praying manti before and it really struck me as something that isn’t common.

I don’t understand how Up can be considered a kid’s film. Don’t get me wrong, it’s brilliant and should be seen by everyone over the age of 14, but a kid’s film it ain’t. When the initial couple of scenes where the old boy’s character is set up for us were done, I had to dry my eyes and go have a lie down before I could continue. There are jokes in there that even most adults are not going to get (around dog colour perception for example) and it is SUBTLE. There’s even fine, comic animation around saliva. Like I said, this is a great film.

What are not great films are any of the Star Wars prequels. They’ve played all three in quick succession on the telly recently. I don’t understand how Lucas was allowed to do it. Obviously no one had enough courage to say, “George, stop it. Someone has to tell you. You‘re an idiot.” They’re not even good films. In fact, the only reason I’m mentioning them is to get you to go and see a set of reviews on YouTube. They are 70 minutes in all, so it’s a commitment, but they should be mandatory viewing for all aspiring film makers. I also bumped into a couple of minutes of stand-up comedy called, “At midnight I will kill George Lucas with a shovel.” Now, I totally understood that.