21 April 2010

Take Me To Your Lizard

Dear Aliens,

I hear that you are making solid inroads into our societies, mainly by hiding your lizard selves underneath good looking wetsuits - as shown in the documentary, V.

Kudos. Apart from some minor hiccups, the plan seems to be going well. Have you considered the need for a local spin-doctor when it comes time for you to devour most other earthlings?

If I could be so bold, I would like to make a suggestion (in good faith) in the hope we will have a closer working relationship in the future. (And, can you please start devouring the people who park across two carparks out the front of my place during soccer practice? They won’t be missed.)

If you want the message of “We come in peace” to have a slightly more authentic edge, can I harp back to this parking thing again? Move your giant spaceships from hanging directly over the major capital cities of the world. You seem to be able to cover intergalactic distances fairly easily, and yet you park right over the top. Bad semiotics - and this is the type of thing that I can help you with… as a monkey-boy.

Also, it’s playing havoc with rental prices in the CBD and there’s a huge dead patch in the lawn where it doesn’t get enough sun.

Regards,
AGA.

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