The Wrong Stuff (Which Makes It The Right Stuff)

Don't mind me if I'm hanging around a football field laughing at your kids. It's not sinister. It's just that one of the greatest pieces of free entertainment you can get, is watching under-10s running after a ball - and falling over.


I live opposite a playing field that gets an awful lot of business. It's in an area that cares about its footy and the local club has representation at all age levels, at all grades and in all sexes. In winter, I can't park around my place for the number of soccer mums waiting for their tykes to track mud back into their Toyotas.


With all that talent running around, I have come to a considered opinion on what sports entertainment really is. It's not watching sports super-stars-in-the-making as they vie for a spot in the state and national league. It's under tens without a thought in their heads or skills in their feets, running around like giant-headed loons. And that's the real pleasure. It's the proportions.


Small people, the little people, people called 'kids', are mentalists and are shaped like some sort of stunt dolly. They are hilarious with how stupid they are and entertaining with how often they fall over. 


They fall over so often because they have giant heads. If  Da Vinci had given a toss about the right stuff, he would have come up with:


The 'Golden Mean of Face Plant'.


Head = 1
Body = 1
Legs = 1
Ball they are chasing = 1


When a little kid falls over, they only reduce their height by one third. An attitude change without accidental injury. They have moved from vertical to horizontal with the minimum of fuss. When an adult goes over, it's a change of height by seven eighths. For that height differential to become manifest, we have time to worry about injury, there is time to watch them 'come a cropper'. It's not funny. Little, giant headed kids, just go over without even the slightest care.


And their tactical sense, that's another entertaining point. There's a McDonalds ad I quite like at the moment, with the immortal line. 


“.... another reverse hat-trick mate, well done!” 


It is funny to me. Every time.