I can imagine better venues than the Arthouse in Sydney, I can imagine worse. Imagining better would involve a taller stage so you can see more than just the T of the T&A. Imagining worse is quite easy. You’re watching cabaret - just add Nazis.
To the casual observer (me) burlesque is trading under the “smut + time = class” rubric. As a basic hetero male, I find it anodyne. Don’t get me wrong, I like a good looking woman voluntarily writhing around with not much on but I don’t want to be told that it’s classy or art. I particularly don’t want it to remain suitable for all ages for the entirety of the show. What’s the point? I kept thinking that it occupies exactly the same spot in the spectrum as a drag show. It’s for women and gay men. This suspicion was born out by the crowd. There was an overwhelming majority of women.
If you are a straight guy at a burlesque show, here’s a tip for what to look out for. The thing that makes a really good performance in burlesque/cabaret style of entertainment: Infrastructure. It’s all about gear. If you are gazing into your drink and thinking of other things and you hear stuff being prepped on stage between acts, it’s time to pay attention.
Last night, every act that had props was fun. One woman did a number that started with puppets and ended with gyrations inside a costume designed by The Borg. That was a good one. Another act started with The Inchworm Song and she did her undressing as part of the chrysalis-to-butterfly metaphor. The metaphor underwent a hyper-illogical progression as she bounced out of a cocoon topless and waved some bunting painted like butterfly wings, but it all operates to its own internal weirdness and those bits were dangerously close to being real entertainment.
Burlesque is a series of short acts. An M.C. is an important link in the performances. Not only is it period appropriate, they should also pull the audience into the intimacy of the idea and build on the rhythms of the evening. I know that I speak for our table when I say that the M.C. last night failed in every part of his job except standing upright and making noise into a microphone. Cameron Knight adds a “Hot August” to the middle of his name when he does this gig, and that is all the clue you need. If you have Foxtel, you would recognise him and that’s a good thing. It means you can avoid him in the street. You could catch something.
He has talent as a guy who can stand up and make noise at a crowd but it was way too much noise, in length, volume and stupidity and his “style” was jarring in the extreme. In the revivification of an art form that is trying to convince you that women getting their kit off in time to music is not exploitative and really very sophisticated, the “I’m so drug-fucked and horny I could do boob and dick jokes all night” shtick, is moronic. He made a trial out of being in a room with professionally nude girls.
For me, there’s a fundamental problem with Burlesque. Good looking women in clothes are good looking. Good looking women out of clothes are better looking. The in between bits are not so good. Getting your clobber off is ungainly and it doesn’t matter what music you put it to, there are always too many moments of fiddling with laces and hook-eyes and zips and working out where to throw the whalebone and when it catches in your hair how do you make it look like part of the act... you can’t.
Seriously, you’re fit, funny, coordinated and nicely depilated. I’m flattered just to be here. Now get your clothes off and get back to me. Basic Boy doesn’t need all the high maintenance crap.
When I think Burlesque, I think Lisa Minnelli and for some reason it's the Lucile Arrested Development Minnelli.
ReplyDeleteThat's enough to quash any chance of a boner.