Curiosity landed on Mars yesterday. I guess he’s on the run
after that nasty “cat” incident.
I love a Mars robot rover. I love a little thing beetling about on a
distant planet, chirping to itself, picking up rocks, looking at them and then
chucking them over their shoulder like Wall-e did with the diamond ring because
the box it came in was more interesting.
I also feel for them a little. Don’t you wonder if they
might get a little cold and lonely, out there, all by themselves?
Sojourner, who landed in the late 90s, has officially had
his case closed with “communications lost” stamped on the last page of his personnel
file. It’s more likely he went a little crazy and switched his own radio off,
preferring to be a hermit rather than continually hearing orders from the
voices in his little mechanical head.
Spirit got bogged*. He landed on Mars in 2004 and like the brave trooper that he is, he trundled around looking for Sojourner for nearly
six years before he came to a dead stop in a sand pit. He is going to present a
puzzle to the aliens who explore our solar system when they see a little robot that
had somehow managed to cross interplanetary space, only to become baffled by
some sand.
So Spirit and Sojourner are out there somewhere, having been
reclassified as stationary communications beacons or just plain MIA and I see
that Curiosity is as large as a decent sized car. That got me thinking.
I am particularly good at remaining stationary inside a
vehicle for long periods. All I’d need is a nappy (well, maybe two) some
sandwiches and one of those Bladder Buster cups with the straw. The straw is
not idle whimsy, it’s a safety device. I’d need to keep both hands on the wheel
during re-entry. I’ll go out into the desert in a small vehicle and round up
your escaped robots and I won’t even bitch and whine and then go and become
Darth Vader afterward.
*(Now something is missing. All the people round here are
too bony for kissing. Sing it like the Mentals. It’s more fun that way.)
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