"It has just been terrible," said Ida Lump, resident of the Seeping Pad Retirement Home.
"We've been overrun with stray popes. They come in here, and if they can't steal some of the gruel... they chew the table and try to lick the varnish off the sideboard. It's not like we've got a lot to start with."
This indignity was not enough it appears. Earlier in the week Ida and her fellow residents were evacuated for an emergency fumigation for a pilgrim infestation.
"It was quite strange," said Esther Estherhausen. "I'd be looking for the remote control, move the cushion, and there'd be hordes of the little buggers running for the shadows chanting 'Go Jesus'."
Normalcy and sense will be returned to the home as soon as the eradication is complete, promised a manager who preferred not to be named.
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