Tattoo Top Twenty

In a moment that made me feel like a tourist in my own society, I recently read a top 20 list of the most popular tattoos that are corporate logos. (Sun Herald felt it sound enough to run with. Smurf voted it suspect. I like the story...)

The list was compiled by a legal company, so I’m looking forward to seeing the opportunity they’re building themselves - in the form of infringement cases.

So here we go, slightly out of order, for the sake of dramatic delivery.

Number 1, and not hard to predict - Harley Davidson. That’s the market that traditionally gets the tough-stickers and is unlikely to suddenly wake up one day and think, “Bloody hell! I like Kawasakis, now.”

Number 2, and I felt a good contender for the top spot – Nike. It’s a symbol that is so symbolically iconic in its symbolicnessitude, that it’s lost its connection to poorly made, sweatshop sports shoes.

Number 3 - AFL Team logos. (Survey done in Melbourne) I can almost understand that. Loyalties run deep about footy. Hands up all those with a Super League Tat… come on, it’s not that embarrassing.

Numbers 4 and 5 - I need to come back to them.

From 6 to 10, Disney characters, Holden, Ford, Fox/Alpinestars and Triple J Radio. Not much to say about those. My head doesn’t spin with the brain-bending oddness of wanting those symbols permanently emblazoned on your flesh. It only aches a little.

11 to 20 defy explanation.

Louis Vuitton - Because fashion brands will never go out of… wait.

Chanel - just wear it on your wrist, not on your sleeve.

Playboy - your mother is soooo proud.

Coca-Cola - cool refreshing drink. Symbol of free West. That’s not white-trash at all!

Jack Daniels - shows a real commitment to unemployment.

Jim Beam - gotta keep up with Joneses, who got the Jack Daniels tat last year when he got the Judge Judy court summons.

Mountain Dew – Topping the white-trash quotient.

QANTAS – wha’?

Back to the motors for Triumph cycles and finishing the list with;

Fender/Gibson – which almost makes sense, in comparison to the preceding 8.

But back to 4 and 5. Coming in at number 5, and the only tattoo in history to actually drop a credit rating as the needle does its work… VB.

Number 4. Vegemite. This is so inexplicable, it’s almost cute. It is, however, considered unpatriotic in trailer-park circles, to place the vegemite tattoo above the bum-crack.

Caution: When choosing your corporate logo tattoo, think about what you liked and how smart you were ten years ago. Still like the same stuff? Learnt anything between then and now? 

Now, put yourself ten years forward.