Why You Get Up

It’s been a good day. Thirty chimpanzees escaped and a ginger midget came to work.

The chimps escaped from a zoo in Cheshire and reportedly went in search of food. I told this to the canteen lady who over-boils the milk in my morning coffee, and she gave me a blank look.

I suggested that chimps in search of food at a zoo would probably end up at the canteen.

Another blank look.

“Chimps”, I said. “In line at the canteen. Searching through their non-existent pockets that are not attached to their furry legs in the vain hope of giving you the exact change they don’t have… for a cup of crap coffee and toast with too much vegemite on it.”

Blank look.

So I threw poo at her.

Well… maybe; but let’s move on.

Last month, I was forced to stop a colleague (Sticky) in the middle of a complex explanation to correct her understanding of ongoing events.

She was saying, “The testing timetable is going to be rigorous, consideri…”

“I’m going to have to stop you there.”

“Why?”

“Because a ginger midget in a pin-stripe suit is about to walk past the window in… three… two… one!” and then everybody looked where I was pointing.

And there he was. It was one of the finest moments of my professional life. (He has a long red beard as well. I know... too good!)

After we’d put Sticky back in her seat and removed the oxygen mask, we all agreed that it would be so excellent if he “got the job and came to work here… but not with us.”

He started work today and it was so cool. He was even eating lunch in the canteen. He's so cute. He thinks he's people!