Aisle Remember You

So, I was in a hardware mega-store called Bunnings the other day… but I must digress. Around our place, Bunnings is not just Bunnings. It is known as Evil Bunnings.

One weekend a few years ago, I did a search looking for store locations in preparation for a hardware shopping trip. The first five pages of results were articles all describing how Bunnings was the end of the world. I got sucked in and Emergency Contact, wondering when we were going to get moving, asked if I had managed to work out where we were going.

I answered, “Straight to hell if these sites are to be believed.”

I had discovered Evil Bunnings. The name has stuck, not because of the truth of it, but because it’s fun to say. Evil Bunnings.

For history sake, the claims were that it was driving small hardware stores out of business. Even worse, its buying power was killing small rural communities that survived by supplying some commodity or other, vital to the hardware retail business (Crops of hammers. Paint cows). In short, all the usual objections that are levelled at big business when they get into some part of the retail world - with all of the venom and hysteria the net can produce. I personally don’t know where to stand on all of that. It may be true, but I also don’t like spending 100% more than I have to on items like cup-hooks. Evil Bunnings has cheap cup-hooks.

So, I was in Evil Bunnings the other day and I walked up to one of those people who I’m certain I’ve seen on telly… actually, let me digress again.

Why do these places think it’s a good idea to put the ‘real people’ on the ads? I don’t want a ballet dancer pretending to be my car mechanic. I want a car mechanic. I don’t want my car mechanic pretending to be my dentist. Why do retail people think that their store’s staff should be TV actors? If I went "In to see the good good Good Guys", it would be to punch them on the nose and tell them to stick to selling white-goods. Each to their own, please! I want good looking people who don’t fluff their lines on my telly, thanks. But one of the conceits of the ad is that Evil Bunnings staff really know their stuff.

So, I was in Evil Bunnings the other day and I walked up to one of the staff and I asked,

“Can you tell me where the ladders are, please?” and she said,

“What sort?”

I thought that was odd. I mean, yes, there will be variation in build, but the concept is so homogenous that surely you’d keep them all in the one place. I was in a playful mood.

“A corporate one that only goes up, please.”

“Hmmm. I’m not sure about them, but try aisle 2.”