OK, look, I'm sorry, but I have had it with you coffee drinkers. You are as painful as smokers.
You are always running late because you just had to stop and get one. You can't carry anything because your shaking little hand is permanently wrapped around a paper cup. You are crabby when you can't get one, can't concentrate until you get the next one and YOU ARE ALWAYS SPILLING THE BASTARD STUFF INTO IMPORTANT PLACES!
I get in the car and there are drying tide marks splashed up and down the console and in all the crevices. The milk will start to smell if there's been enough slopped around. The slick and dangerous surfaces of the corridors where I work have an endless selection of fresh and aging spatters. There is not a single two meter expanse of carpet that has not got some brown stain on it and the number of times that work has come to a crashing and dramatic halt because someone has decided that a full cup of coffee is just what the keyboard ordered, are too numerous to count.
The endless search for the perfect cup is boring, the endless whining when it's not good enough is tiresome and that's because coffee is the great lie. It smells fantastic but no-one anywhere in the history of all things has ever made a cup of coffee that tastes like it smells.
Grow up and get a real habit would you? Get into heroin or something, for god sake. It couldn't be much more annoying or disruptive (at least I'd get some peace when you go on the nod).
There. I'm glad I got that off my chest. Geez, I get cranky when I run out of tea bags.
P.S. I have committed most of the above sins at one time or another. I'm just all growed up now and irritable
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