28 January 2010

Pensioners Insurance... Please

There’s an ad on telly for a pensioners-only insurance agency that illustrates nicely the depth of baby-boomer’s self deception. Yet again, the hateful bunch of bastards are so certain of their place in the world, they absolve themselves of  all responsibility - certain in the knowledge that we are honoured to have them around.

The ad tells these self-satisfied retards that no matter how life-threateningly inept they are with their cars, if the vehicle they wrote-off was under ten years old, they get a new one.

The ad then amuses us with little vignettes of the difficulties they’re going to have when they are befuddled by their new-fangled horseless carriages.

One can’t find his fuel cap. Sigh. Imagine how charmed we are, as he jams up an entire row of bowsers on a work day.

One leaps his car onto a raised flowerbed after not being able to tell the difference between reverse and first. Chuckle. Especially funny when later, the quick learner does the same thing onto a toddler playing in their front garden.

One turns her windscreen-wipers on instead of signalling. Oh, bless. What could possibly go wrong, while changing lanes at 110 km/h into a westerly sun with grit on the windscreen?

This insurance company, APIA, calls this policy the “rewarding experience” policy.

I call it the “PUNISHING THE REST OF THE PLANET WITHOUT A THOUGHT IN YOUR HEAD FOR ANYONE ELSE - AS PER USUAL - NOW GET OFF THE FUCKING ROAD BECAUSE I HAVE TO GO AND EARN A LIVING SO I CAN PAY MORE TAX TO ENSURE YOUR RETIREMENT BECAUSE YOU DO NOT HAVE THE GOOD GRACE TO GO AWAY AND DIE!” policy.

Not as catchy an acronym on the disclosure statement, I’ll grant you, but I want a little more truth in advertising.

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