A colleague mentioned that big supermarkets are now hiring people with autism to look after an aisle each - Coles and Woolies thought might as well take advantage of their attention to detail, and give them an employment break at the same time.
I think this is a nice idea and I want them to take it all the way.
If the guy with autism feels that the aisle would be better arranged alphabetically, let him have his head. If he feels that it would be more pleasing to be ranged from darkest shade packaging to lightest, give him a spectrophotometer. Perhaps by incremental weight comparison. Get him the scales. By percentage price increase over the financial year, stand back and watch the magic. By distance the product has had to travel, divided by processing time, multiplied by relative time spent on the shelves – now I’m getting goosebumps.
And what’s this around in aisle four? This aisle is maintained by Alice and her guide-dog, Sharkey. Whaddya mean there are no labels? She can’t read them and for that matter, neither can Sharkey. Why should you get special treatment? We unofficially call it “lucky dip lane”. Dig in.
Aisle five; nothing above knee height. We have two part-timers looking after this aisle. Gidget the Midget and Tony “Wheels” McGinty. I'm looking at the tax angles on "kid friendly".
Aisle six? Well, that’s looked after by Davey. Yeah, it’s a bit of a mess. There’s nothing particularly special about him, he’s just a teenager.
This aisle is looked after by Arthur, he’s come back to work after having his self-funded retirement knocked around by the GFC. We liked his whimsical approach to pricing. Pounds and Pence lend the place a certain class.
Aisle eight? Ahuh. That's currently being restocked with all the cleaning products. Actually, to be honest, we’re looking for a new person to take on this aisle. We accidentally put someone with OCD in charge and it seems they managed to dissolve themselves in a cleaning frenzy. Bit of a blunder. Still, cleanliness is next to… uhm… aisle nine. Look, the pet aisle... and there's Cat Lady!
It would be no less confusing than what has happened to me in real life and I’d shop there for the puzzle-solving attraction alone. Several of my nearest supermarkets - two different brands - have refurbished and remodelled and I am stuffed. I had these places down pat and now I don’t know where anything is. (Except the fresh veg. Always at the entrance).
Where am I gonna park if the staff take all the disabled spots?
You're very mean. You shouldn't say that sort of thing.
ReplyDeleteAhh, shutup yah crumb. It's whimps like you that give fuckin' multiple personalities a bad name.
ReplyDeleteI want to park over there, near the rubbish bin. That's where it's safest. Ahum.
ReplyDeleteDo they sell mops?
ReplyDeleteOh, Ha.
ReplyDelete