In A Miner Key

Imagine being down a dark, airless hole with 32 of your workmates one August, and being told that you won’t get out until Christmas… if you’re lucky. I’ve been in work situations that felt like this in a spiritual sense, but I got to go home at night and I generally had Christmas off.

Looking at the story of the 33 trapped Chilean miners, there are certain scenarios and opportunities that leap out at me.

First to the facts as I’ve digested them.

They are in an emergency shelter. Now, if there’s an emergency shelter constructed in this mine, they must have allowed for the fact that trapped miners could potentially be in there for a long time. But also consider how amenities in public areas of your work kind of erode and decay with time. Think about how well stocked the first-aid kit is now, compared to how it was when it first went in. A couple of people here and there “borrow” a band-aid. The eye drops got used by the stoned guy when a management meeting was sprung on him. And, how old are those bandages anyway? Now, let’s assume that the mine management had the foresight to put in some games for bored, trapped miners... but a while ago.

Fifteen cards are in the pack. One of them is a snap card featuring a picture of a bear with straw hat riding a mini-bike. One them is an Uno card and one of them, insultingly, is the business card of their OH&S Officer.

The Monopoly set has no pieces, but arguments still break out on day 93 when Luis insists that he wants the boot shaped pebble because he's "... sick of playing the unlucky sort-of-dog-shaped-piece-of-dried-human-poo piece".

With Cluedo, after the first month, it is always, “Mr Smelly, in a cave, with a pick-axe.”

Anyway, what they should do is think of the future. They should knuckle down and write the stage musical of their own story to really capitalise on things when they get out. They should call it Diggin' It. (On the posters, the subtitle will read: "There's A Hole Lotta Love Down Here".) It's got tension and drama, a good size cast - which lends itself to chorus numbers - and the sets and costumes will be very cheap. At the end of the final, climactic number, all they have to do is turn on a big spotlight somewhere off-stage and have the cast stare into it while shading their eyes. This ending works whether they get them out safely or not. There won't be a dry seat in the house.

And before anyone says this is too soon: I disagree. This is before too soon, so I'm alright.