The Upside To Being Down

"Do these grasses make my head rook fat?"

I’m glad I’m not in Korea right now. I am happy to be accused of being hopelessly unadventurous but I am pleased I am not all alone in a hotel somewhere near the DMZ, not being able to understand the local news readers and worrying myself a new ailment.

I was supposed to leave for South Korea on business last Sunday and be there for eight or nine days. Just between you and me, this is a damning indictment on the sanity of my seniors and betters. Not that they misread international politics, more that they insist on sending me places to do stuff. If they had any idea how woefully poorly equipped I am to achieve their ends, they wouldn’t be sending me off with quite such glee or regularity. The phrase, ‘wind in my hair, hope in my heart and nothing on my mind’ feels apt. Now add the corporate credit card and you’ve got the Keystone Cops do South East Asia.

Anyway, as I may have mentioned, my international career as a Tim Carey face-double is on temporary hold while I get over a case of Bell’s Palsy. I decided that trying to communicate across a De-Linguicised Zone in Korea was going to be doubly difficult when I couldn’t even speak my native tongue without dribbling or swearing. I also didn’t feel like being in a really foreign place while I wasn’t totally well. The idea of checking myself into a Korean hospital and half-mumbling, “No, not a stroke, but can I have more steroids, please? Oh, don’t worry about them. I’m sure you can just walk off an artillery bruise,” just didn’t bear considering. So, I’m not there.

Screw you, Hanz Brix.

Every Grey Area has a silver lining.