Finally It Has A Use

Ok, now these things are called 'Segway', and they have been the most monumental failure of all time.

They are a spin-off from a really good invention; a wheelchair that stood up on its back wheels and allowed the person in it to operate at mobile-person-head-height. Something that only insanely-rich, paralysed people could afford, but hey, you've gotta start somewhere.

I accidentally read a book about the Segway's invention, planning, marketing, failure, and the acrimony that surrounded the machine and it was informative... about journalism at least.

The inventor, being a media animal, hired a journalist to follow him and his team's every move as they brought this thing into the world. In a fit of pique, the inventor fired the journo about halfway through the venture, but the journo had invested too much time in the project to give it all away, so went on and did the book anyway. It just didn't have the flavour that the inventor would have preferred. Good one, media savvy inventor turkey.

The pre-launch of the Segway was one of the first times I became aware of manipulated internet hype, when everyone on the web was supposedly asking "What is Ginger?" (It was called Ginger because the wheelchair prototype was called Fred.) 

After all the manufactured hype, several of the unveilings on US talk shows had the distinct air of let down. The saturated stink of fizzle, if you will. I think it was Cathy, or Regis (maybe not, who cares? One of those anyway) who necessitated a re-take by blurting out, "What? That's fuckin' it?!" as the curtain drew back.

The whole idea is daft anyway. It was supposed to be a really good way of getting around, and it's not. They have to be limited in speed because the manufacturers wanted to make it legal on as many footpaths as possible. But they weren't. It didn't have much range. It still had to be charged up so it wasn't as though it was carbon neutral. They envisaged the entire Chinese population riding one... at thousands of dollars US a pop? Ah yuh. And just what we needed anyway. Another way for American citizens to avoid physical movement.

So I feel I've made my case: it's not a winner. But I've hit upon an idea that's going to make the Segway, if not useful, at least entertaining for four and a half minutes. Some of you will remember the novelty item, the invisible-dog lead. If you attach a few of them to the front and take a few of them down to the Circus Maximus, it will look like a crazy 21st Century chariot race. 

Spring-loaded, comedy retractable acting daggers spinning on the wheels is the next step.