And Pigs Might Flu

It’s a trope of philosophy that the Ancient Greeks have asked all the big questions about the human condition.

I used to be a bit sceptical about that. I used to suspect there must be questions being raised in modernity that they could not have predicted or comprehended. We are fresh and we are smart. We make our own, new problems.

But the latest world-panic-thingy makes me think that they might have actually had it covered.

Let me draw the strings together on the macramé hand-basket that we’re all going to hell in.

The Greeks had many tales of part man, part beast characters that terrorised their populations – I’m naming and shaming some repeat offenders below.

The Minotaur: Part man. Part bull. Not allowed to drink in pubs until it become a Majortaur.
Harpies: Part winged demon, part sexually transmitted disease.
Echidna: Part porcupine, part spiny ant-eater.

These malignant archetypes reared their hideous heads again this morning when the radio reported the new flu about town is a genetic mix of avian, porcine and human influenza.

So if you’re sitting on public transport and see a bird-pig-man, don’t immediately panic. If his little beaksnout is running, though, then it’s time to panic.

Every snotty cloud should have a silvery mucous lining, though. Fashion designers could exploit these pandemics. If Collette Dinnigan pulls her finger out and designs face-masks that women want to wear…