The Squids Are Awrigh'

Caution: This is written with right-hand-drive bias. If you are a reader from a country that drives incorrectly, please follow the instructions below.

1. Press [ctrl + f] on your keyboard. The “Find and Replace” window will be displayed (unless you’re on Mac. Find your own way.)
   
2. Click the “Replace” tab.
   
3. In the field Find What: type “left” (not “self esteem” or “glory days”).
   
4. In the field Replace With: type “right” (rather than “security” or “respect”). 
   
5. Repeat process for right and left.
   

I’ve been seeing trusting yupster-types on underpowered scooters lately. 

I ask; why would you venture out in Sydney traffic with so little going for you? You’ve got no protection, no carry space, no roof and let’s cut to the heart of the matter, you are on a motorcycle with no power and therefore, no cool.

 

There’s a name for them too, apparently, Squids. Maybe some clever contraction of “kids on scooters” or the like. I dunno.

I usually leave the lights quickly when I’m in the left lane. Sooner or later there will be a parked car. If you drive the right sort of vee-hickle, it’s easier being first out of the blocks and choosing when you’re going to change to the right lane rather than hoping for a gap and trying to fit in somewhere further back in the queue. 

And let's face it, the right lane doesn’t want you there. You’ve nicked their place. If they see you miles ahead and having nothing to do with their spot in the traffic jam, it doesn’t affect them. If you bully your way in front of them because you misjudged a launch at the lights, you’ve just done something rude… and impotent. If you make the pushee miss a set of lights because of this - road rage should rightfully ensue.

 

My driving habits are honed (Tainted? Formed? Accreted?) from years of driving public transport in this city and I tend to drive… uhm… efficiently.

Taking my usual course up the inside recently, a straight backed man in a light-cotton suit and chinless helmet decided turning right in front of me as the lights went green was a good idea. If he’d been on a real bike, it would have been no contest. He would have been across the intersection and halfway to the horizon before I could get the clutch fully engaged - and I wouldn’t even mention it. But he wasn’t. 

He was a Squid. 

Gooby and I have decided it’s the sound they make when you hit one and it gets caught up in your driveshaft.