08 May 2011

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There are certain areas, particularly in the treatment of obesity, where the United States still leads the world.

I came to The Biggest Loser because of the American first series. While that series remains the high-watermark of Western Civilisation, I have subsequently become an admirer of the work of Michelle, the senior female trainer from the Australian Biggest Loser franchise.

Michelle climbs up on the backs of those fatties and rides them around like the big, unfit beasts of burden that they are. But, as any scientist knows, this is a very dangerous thing to do. Tubbiness is well known to be contagious and being in such close physical contact is putting her at risk of catching fatness. She might even get fallen on, rubbed up against a wall, backed under a low hanging tree branch or something equally unpleasant.

After a bit of a break, I’m watching American Biggest Loser again and I see how much further us Aussies have to go in advanced fattie-torture-for-amusement. Jillian, the American trainer I assume to be a personal guru of Michelle's, has taken fattie riding to the next level.

She’s eliminated personal risk and upped the amusement value so it is 100% unalloyed joy. Rather than having to climb up on them, come in to contact, and risk all those nasty outcomes I mention above; Jillian ropes them and skis behind them.

OM fucking G. Skiing behind crying lard-arses as they lean into the wind and scramble across the gym floor. Five stars, gold thumbs up, elephant stamp and the Congressional Medal of Honour to you, Jillian.

1 comment:

  1. brilliant. She should be further harnessing that energy by attaching a stump jump to the back of them and sewing the millet seeds and barley they'll be eating later in the series. Also a cat and nine lashing would make this an even funnier spectacle

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