24 April 2008

Suicide Tips

A friend of mine once said that she had decided how she was going to kill herself - so that it caused minimum trauma to those around her. She wasn't actually planning it, she just liked to consider these things. (Morbid little thing. When I was still new to the net, she used to show me the most horrific stuff that she had found, with a real expression of glee. I'd be staggering around her flat, covering my eyes and moaning "Stop it oh god that's horrible, just stop it." She'd say "Ok it's gone, but have a look at this." I'd fall for it and then be back to holding the vomit down and averting my gaze.)

So her plan was to take poison in a hotel room. The rationale is, I believe, pretty sound. You won't have the time to turn all soupy and wrong, because your room is checked daily, and you're not going to be found by someone who is related or married to you. See? Thoughtful and simple.

Two guidelines I think need to be added.

When you are ready to be dead, go to the toilet and/or don't hang yourself. I think it is just unfair to add a full pair of pants, to the already gruesome list of things your discoverer is already dealing with. If it is me that finds you, and you've got lumpy undies, I'm backing out of the room and pretending I didn't see anything.

A mate of mine who was a cab driver once drove a woman to Vaucluse. It's a posh suburb on the harbour in Sydney, where she threw herself off "the Gap". He didn't find this out until the police arrived on his doorstep the next day. He, of course, was shocked and upset. The thing that really upsets me about it though (he's too decent to admit it) is she didn't tip him for the ride. I think that if you are going to involve any sort of public service in your bid to top yourself - leave a little gratuity.

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